Mom turns 88 today. Though last night when I called, she said, “We don’t have to count forward do we?” I said, “Of course not, pick a number!” I call Mom almost every night. It became a nightly ritual after Dad died in 2021. To be a moment of connection. And since Mom’s Alzheimer’s impacts her short term memory, it’s the present moment that counts. Because after it’s over, and I hang up the phone, or leave after a visit, the clock ticks as to how long she’ll remember that moment we shared.
I can usually predict what she’ll say to the word each time I call. “I’m fine. Just sitting here watching TV. Just being lazy. Not accomplishing much I’m afraid. But I’m we’ll taken care of.” It’s the words “lazy”, “not accomplishing much” that always punch my heart. And I struggle to offer another angle, another way to acknowledge where she is in her life, with a granular sprinkling of dignity and truth telling. Alzheimer’s has robbed her of her ability to contribute to the communities she was instrumental in building and holding. It’s robbed her of her purpose.
Mom is one of the most accomplished people I know. After the election of Maura Healey as Governor, Kim Driscoll and Lt. Governor, and Andrea Campbell as Attorney General, I’ve been basking in the knowledge that it was the contributions and trailblazing of my Mom, and many women alongside her, that most likely set the stage for this historic moment.
Mom graduated from Northeastern Law School when I was ten years old. She was leading the local chapter of the League of Women voters during most of my childhood and beyond. She was involved in town government for years, and she ran for town selectman when I was in college. Like Hillary Clinton, she was the most qualified for the job, but lost to a younger man who had ambitions beyond town government and was using it as a stepping stone. But she took it with grace, and kept working. She was appointed Chief of The Bureau of Local Assessment in the MA Department of Revenue, because no one would take the job because it involved updating and restructuring the tax codes in all cities and towns in the Commonwealth. That’s all 351 cities and towns. But because Mom is Mom, a collaborator, a good listener, and very savvy and methodical, she navigated her way in probably many more than 351 conversations with local assessors, mostly older white men, and got the job done. It probably didn’t hurt that she wore a pair of stylish zip up knee high badass boots that exuded confidence and that she was to be taken seriously. The work she did helped create equitable taxation standards across the Commonwealth that I believe are still in effect today. Quite literally, groundbreaking.
I could go on and on about her accomplishments. Truly. I want to her to know and feel all that she is done to make this world a better place for women, for me, as an lgbtq+ human, for everyone, simply because she lived her purpose. She showed up and did the work. With grace, humor, generosity, diplomacy, and love. And made space for women coming after her to push for more. Which means everyone benefits. Mom reminds me to never underestimate the impact one person can make. And how important it is to live your purpose, and to contribute and participate in your local communities.
Happy Birthday to my Mom. You deserve to live each day with dignity and a sense of accomplishment and joy. That’s an integral part of my purpose now, to bring that essence to the moments we share, while we can.